Paradise Lost

When I stand on the shore looking out across the vast ocean I feel in harmony with forces much greater than myself. It's a spiritual experience for me to look out at the infinite horizon line and hear the softly rolling waves. I feel soothed, comforted, and in awe of the natural beauty and rhythms of water. 

That all changed on Friday. 

All week the water had been especially mild, but on that particular day the wind was strong and the water quite choppy. We thought it might be a little tougher to manage, but we certainly were not expecting any extreme conditions. So on our last full day in Mexico, Kevin and I set off in a double kayak for one last snorkeling adventure in the ocean. Two of Mikey's friends came out not long after us and as we attempted to anchor our kayaks together the waves surged to six to ten feet high. 

The first of them capsized our two friends and Kevin jumped in the water to help them get back in their boat. Then it became clear that they were all struggling in the water and I pulled up our anchor and tried to paddle over to help them. Then a very large wave sucked up my boat and tipped me upside down and we were all at the mercy of the water. Kevin, who has been around boats his whole life, yelled for me to stay close to the boats (still tied together) so I did even though the waves were throwing them at me quite hard. I could only hold on to them in between the waves, but it still offered a rest, albeit very brief. 

When a large wave began it would suck the boat up into its crest and I would look up and brace myself for the crash. A few times it hit me on my right arm as I raised it to protect my head. The boats also hit me in the chin a couple times on their way to the wave, but I trusted Kevin and figured as long as I could avoid getting knocked out it would help to be near the boats. As each successive wave came over me I felt myself being pulled down deep underwater and as I swam back toward the surface I was terrified I wouldn't be strong enough to beat the undertow. 

When I hit the surface I looked around for Kevin and our two friends. A different terror filled me when I had no idea if they would all be okay. Four of us battling these waves gave some precarious odds. Kevin was holding onto the anchor rope that trailed about 30 feet behind the kayaks. I found out later that he had wrapped it around his hands so that it would pull him back up after he got pushed down. The rope severally burned his hands and took out chunks of his flesh, but it saved his life. 

With each wave we got a little closer to a reef, when, finally, we were standing on it. The waves calmed down around the reef and although we still got sloshed around on the top of the coral, we got into the boat with just cuts and bruises. Luckily, Kevin had the strength and frame of mind to hold on to two paddles and we maneuvered both boats over to our friends who were about 50 feet away and had one paddle left. Not knowing if we could rely on the temporary calm, we all got back on the boats, untied from each other, and paddled rapidly into shore. 

Kevin and I hugged on the shore and I felt hot tears of relief. I didn't stop shaking for about an hour. My life, and his life, flashed before my eyes, when I was underwater I felt a bit of an out-of-body experience when I wasn't sure how long the strength of the current would keep me beneath the surface. I prayed to God for our safety; I told Him I wasn't ready to go. Each wave felt like it was toying with the possibility of taking me for good. I felt how easily the ocean could dominate my best efforts. And it wasn't until I felt the warm sand in my toes that I could claim we had escaped a narrow brush with death. The ocean had flexed its power that day and to feel my body go comparatively limp to its strength made me feel shaken and unsettled, as if perhaps we weren't in harmony, but at odds.

CBD

So damn easy to say that life's so hard
Everybody's got their share of battle scars
As for me, I'd like to thank my lucky stars
That I'm alive and well

It'd be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I'm alive

And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessing, can't you see?
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I'm alive and well
I'm alive and well

Stars are dancin' on the water here tonight
It's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight
This boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I'm alive and well

And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathing in and out's a blessing, can't you see?
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
Now I'm alive and well
Yeah, I'm alive and well

"I'm Alive" by Kenny Chesney & Dave Matthews Band